let go

This week I have learned to drop all assumptions and all barriers. In this new environment there's no time for walls, or opinions, or fears. Everything is right here, right now. My hands have been curled up into insecure fists for so long...and well...here they are being pulled open. Not by my will, but by His. He's saying, "Trust me, let it go. Trust me and you will be amazed."

Let go my friends. Let go of all control, of all doubts, of all fears, of all expectations. Live freely in Christ.

The what and the why

“What is the point?!”
That is a question I found myself asking many times throughout my life. “Why do I exist? What is the reason for this thing called creation?” I would often relate to the writer of Ecclesiastes when he wrote of life under the sun being a vanity and a grasping for the wind (Ecc. 2:11.) I would sit and imagine all of the great things that I could accomplish with my life, the impact that I could make or the pleasure I could attain. I would stretch my imagination to the fullest and then at the end of the daydream all I could think is, “After all that I die…I die”. No matter how great I could imagine myself the end of the matter was the same. Everybody dies.

I love truth and understanding God was the key to understanding the truth about me. To know what He was thinking and feeling became my sole passion. I wanted to know more than just the ‘what’ of His creation, I had to know the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’. Why did God create? Why the free will? Why did He put us in a garden with a choice and a chance to say no to Him? Why an enemy? Why the struggle for righteousness? Why the pressure? The pain? The pleasure? Why? I had to get to the heart of the matter to discover the reason for my existence.

God is the Creator. He could have created in any way He wanted because He is the author life. This whole thing was His idea. He is the one who is orchestrating human history. Sometimes we think that God was like a mad scientist up in Heaven when all of a sudden He mixed a few chemicals that caused an explosion and “Poof! Creation!”, as if God didn’t think it through but just ‘managed’ His mistake afterwards. We approach God as though He were cleaning up a mess by sending us Jesus as if it wasn’t His plan all along. Surely God is not that aimless. He had a dream, He had a vision, a goal, an aim. He thought this thing through and there was something He was after.

Life will never make sense until we get the bigger picture of a God who was searching for something. We are only satisfied in satisfying Him. We were created to answer the longing in God’s heart but what is He longing for? Nothing is hidden from Him so what is He looking for? He possesses all things so what does He want?

The Lord has given us the “transcript of His soul” to let us in on the deep things of His heart. In His Word He tells us the ‘why’ behind the’ what’. From Genesis to Revelation we see the golden thread of what God is looking for. He has laid His heart bare, opened it wide for all to see and over and over He would say, “I’m after your heart. Love Me! Love Me!” It all comes down to love because God is Love. The Father will have a family and the Son will have a bride. We are a part of something so much bigger than meets the eye.

What is love? Love is more than romantic notions or even a passive toleration and a few good deeds. Jesus isn’t your boyfriend nor is He a humanistic hippie. His Name is Jealousy (Ex 34:14). Our God is an all consuming Fire who wants to takes over. (Duet 4:24) Song of Solomon says it like this, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.” (Sos. 8:6) Love is not passive but it is passionate burning desire.

We must love the Way He loves if we are going to become His heart’s desire. In the gospels you hear the voice of the Bridegroom beckoning us into abandonment, “Take up your cross and follow Me. Leave it all behind and come after me. Say goodbye to houses and lands for my sake and follow Me.” This is the voice of a Bridegroom who gave all for the sake of love (Eph 5:29-32). Jesus Himself defined love like this “Greater love has no one than this, that to lay down one’s life for his friends” (Jn. 15:13) He loves us with all of His heart, soul, mind and strength and what He wants is a people yoked to Him in this kind of love. We are equally yoked to this shoreless ocean of Love not by the size of our love but by the all of our love. Though our all is small the point is all. He wants to be loved the way He loves, completely given in abandonment.

The more we pursue this lifestyle of Love the more we see our weakness and the more we hunger, thirst and mourn. The very reaching for mature love produces the attitudes in our heart that catch His eye. We must reach to give Him what He is looking for from our heart, soul and mind. These are primarily internal realities that overflow externally. He isn’t asking for your money, your talent or your ministry plan, He is asking for your heart! You could be one of the greatest men or women in history regardless of your social status or your life circumstance. These are not the things that define a man but the things that define a man are the issues of his heart.

What is going on behind your face? That is where so much of life takes place. There is a world on the inside of you as vast as the world on the out and this is where His eyes fall. He peers straight through your exterior right into your core reality and evaluates you according to your heart.

The energy starts inward and becomes an inferno of love. A man or a woman on fire will change the world and won’t end up burnt out in the end. The First Commandment always leads to the Second. Every light that shines is a light that burns. When you are on fire in love For God many will rejoice in that light and come into the fellowship of the flame.

There is a reason behind Creation and a Holy Heart who dreamt up this dream. We aren’t just vainly spinning on this ball called earth. It wasn’t an accident that we are here because there is something bigger going on. This is the “womb of eternity” and we have barely begun. These years are crucial as we are being formed into the image of Love. God is Love, looking for love therefore He fashioned and formed us in His image and we are created to love Him and be loved by Him.

I exist. Every moment counts because He sees my heart. I want to be able to stand before Him and say, “I did it! Here’s my heart on fire with passion for Your name."

Everybody dies, no way around it but there is a “why” behind the “what” of this life. The more than meets the eye is our hope and our future. Without hope we are in despair but as those who know the end of the story let us run the race with endurance, on fire with love, as burning and shining lamps. This wisdom will be justified. There is more.

Room of Mirrors

You know those crazy mirror rooms they have at carnivals? You know the ones.
Everywhere you turned, was your reflection. No matter where your gaze went it would fall on you. Scariest thing, ever. It always put me on edge, resulting in an introverted personality following the experience. It made me feel trapped within myself...like it was a curse...that I was the only thing standing in my way...and that I was my biggest fan and biggest enemy.
How true is this?
There's nothing that hurts more than the truth putting you in place. It's the nature of being human to plant the blame on everthing but ourselves. We are so skilled in deception, a lot of us even thrive off of getting away with something.
But have you ever just wanted to crawl out of your skin? Ever felt like it was holding you back from your true potential? Like its barrier was the reason for everything bad in your life? We so often forget what lies beneath the skin...what rests beneath the beautiful exterior. You can't see it in an X-ray and you can't see it in the surgical room. It's your core hidden inside the very core of your being.
The spirit. It drives every decision that you make, every yes you say, every no you're too afraid to speak. It's what makes you cry, or laugh, or lose yourself in passion. It's your spirit, and this is who you are. Your spirit is an exact reflection of who you are. It cannot lie. But, so few choose to enter into the room of mirros, and so many never connect with the honest version of themselves.
What a sad thing to live your life without.
How about this...when you get to the Room of Mirrors...go inside.
And embrace what you see.

Beacon.

Do we know what we're capable of?
On Wednesday, the first snow of the season was lightly covering the ground, it was pure, it was gentle, and it was a stark contradiction against the world we live in. I was in my car listening to "Andvari" by Sigur Rós when I began to feel emotion trembling inside of me. It's so easy to be numb. Without realizing how or when or why, we are so good at being void of any true emotion. Sometimes we go through our entire life this way, never knowing why there is an emptiness crowding the spaces where love, joy, sadness, conviction, and peace should dwell. We've heard it said that it's "safer" to build up walls. We've heard that it's "easier" to keep your guard up. Yet from my experience in matters of "safer" and "easier", I would have to say "no, that's definitely not how it is."
Do we know what we're capable of?
This is a serious question. There have been people in our lives that have looked at us and seen nothing...but there have also been people who have looked at us and seen more. It's as if they've looked right through us to our very core, to our soul or spirit or heart, and stolen a glimpse into the endless possibility of our potential. This may spark a cord within you to reach for your ambitions. This might even plant a seed in your heart to start trying again. But, this may even leave you feeling helpless against your own self. Why? Because you don't feel like you're capable of anything. But, this is a lie.
What is a beacon? It is a fire that can be seen from a distance. It is a call for help, for attention, for awareness, for rescue, for truth, and for hope. Do we know what we're capable of? We can be A Beacon in a time where hope and truth has been thrust into the middle of a thrashing sea. We can be that lighthouse and fire on top of a hill that declares hope. We will, we can, we need to.
Do you know what you're capable of?
It's greatness.

a penny for your thoughts.

Without knowing why we're good at something, we accept it with no further judgement. For instance someone who's good at math, or listening, or creating delicious creations in the kitchen realizes this and that's that. Whether you believe it's genes or a gift, you've got something. If you don't think you have that something, I promise that you do. Maybe you're disguising it with something else, or maybe you don't feel like it's worthy of being anything other than "no big deal."
If you've ever heard the saying, "you are what you do," you know how very true that can become. We can be consumed by what we do. But have you ever heard, "just because you're good at it doesn't mean you have to do it." ?
Aside from our talents, aside from our skills, aside from what's expected, what makes you reach for more? If it happens to be your talent, congrats. If not, congrats. You have an amazing adventure ahead of you either way. The pressure to do what you're good at is so rampant, because success is promised to be more plausible. Quite often, this isn't questioned and is pursued often leaving the pursuer stressed, unhappy, and discontent.
But what is success anyway?
There are talents, gifts, intellect, and passions in all of us. We were made this way. But know that life is short and a fleeting glance and if we're only grabbing hold of what we can reach, what are we accomplishing? NOTHING is too far, too large, too impossible.

how do you know?

"But, how do you know?"

For a lot of us, this question is easy to answer. Most commonly we respond with, "I just do." And it's even better when we get the question, "how do you just know?"
In all honesty, I personally dislike this question. If you were to ask me how I know chocolate is good for me, I would respond, "It just is, okay?" And hopefully you would just drop the subject. This question makes me feel cornered, pressured, and even doubtful of what I was once confident in. Some things are extremely difficult to explain, especially if you feel the need to persuade someone into your belief. We can't expect anyone to understand why we want the things we want...or why we do the things we do. We can try and defend how we know things with facts, statistics, proof, and most importantly,faith. The human will is an amazing thing. Whether you're stubborn or passive, we all have it.

As you can see, this blog is centered around one specific topic: Missions. I have always felt drawn towards it, even as a child. Without ever knowing why, the desire to bring the name of Christ throughout the earth has been placed on my heart.

In Psalms 20:4 it says, "He will give you your heart's desire and carry out all your plans."
In Psalms 37:4 it says, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
In 1 Timothy 4:12 it says, "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

I can't prove to you that the Lord has called me to missions, I can't show you with statistics that He individually chose me, just as I can't promise you the sun is going to rise tomorrow. It all comes down to faith. Faith that we all have a purpose in this universe. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I have a passion that has been instilled in my heart for missions. This January I have a great opportunity to grow as a disciple of Jesus and exercise the abilities that He has given me. It's a bit intimidating and I'm not sure what to expect other than a bunch of surprises and challenges. I am so ready to see where He takes me.

(for more info, www.destinationparadise.org)

found.

I can't be found in myself; I discover myself in others.

That much is clear. And I suspect that I also love and care for myself in others.